It's a typical Thursday night in our IOP program. Our teens are hard at work creating Self-Compassion Action Plans, chatting casually amongst themselves. One teen is lamenting the change of seasons as the weather becomes colder and less forgiving. Without thinking, I respond: "Sounds like an opportunity to break out some cute sweaters and scarves!"
As the room chuckles and begins to discuss optimum sweater-weather attire, another teen blurts out (in a half-admiring, half-exasperated tone): "Do your friends ever get sick of your constant optimism?"
I can't help but laugh. "Of course they do! But I’d rather let them be annoyed than change the way I find the good in the world."
It's an exchange that has stuck with me for a while. While it's true that I'm well-known for attempting to put a positive spin on things, I don't think of myself as a hopeless optimist or a relentless chaser of silver linings. Unlike true optimists, I don't believe in disqualifying the negative things in life - I think it's important to acknowledge the ways we've been hurt, especially in situations that are objectively bad, hurtful, traumatizing, and so on. We grow just as much from our stormy days as we do from our sunny ones, and I believe in embracing the gifts that both kinds of days have to offer.
I prefer to think of it as opportunism… and at the heart of opportunism is gratitude.
“Gratitude” seems like one of those sticky catch-all words. It conjures up the image of a family at Thanksgiving dinner going around the table and professing all that they are grateful for. It conjures up images of writing thank-you cards for gifts (an oft-dreaded practice). These are certainly good practices of gratitude - and there’s more to living a gratitude-driven lifestyle than a simple “thank you”!
Gratitude is an expression of mindfulness just as much as it is an expression of appreciation. It is an intentional shift in your attention towards the beneficial features of daily life. It is a practice that cultivates flexibility, creativity, and persistence. Sometimes it takes an enormous stretch of the imagination to find ways of finding opportunities for gratitude within hardship. Other times, it takes a lot of energy to slow down and truly notice the small gifts within our daily routines that, in our hectic lifestyles, we so often fail to notice. But studies have shown time and again that gratitude makes a significant impact on mental health, due in large part to the neural pathways being rewired.
Consider the default function of the human brain: it is fundamentally wired for survival at all costs. One of those survival mechanisms includes a “worst case scenario” function, where we are naturally primed to look for potential consequences and dangers in daily experience and, by so doing, avoid harm. We are wired to look for negatives - it’s normal, and it has served an important evolutionary function! But when we over-develop that mechanism, we become paralyzed by the “what-ifs”, or we give too much credit to our fatalistic thoughts, and as a result we live in a constant state of fear and pessimism. Studies have shown that the practice of gratitude results in changes in cognition and perception as the brain begins to rewire to find more opportunities for contentment, satisfaction, and safety within the present moment.
Gratitude is not blind insistence on a silver lining. So often we hear others encourage us to "look on the bright side", or "just be grateful that...", or "you should be more thankful for...". While these words are said with the best of intentions, it is typically implied that we must discount the negative thing that is currently in our lap before we can reap the benefits of gratitude. In reality, gratitude does not require you to downplay or ignore your hardships, but instead find the goodness that coincides alongside these hardships.
For example: Instead of forcing yourself to be thankful for the loss of a close loved one (which, let's face it, is an enormous stretch), gratitude sounds like this: "I am in pain over their loss, and I am grateful for the opportunity to celebrate their life with my family, whom I so rarely get to see. I will miss them terribly, and I am grateful for the legacy that lives on in me."
Instead of thanking a careless driver for totaling your car and threatening your life, gratitude sounds like: "I am scared and angry about this incident, and I grateful to have survived. I am scared about what is coming next, and I am grateful for the care provided to me by my doctors and loved ones."
Gratitude is like panning for gold: There’s a lot of stuff that will get stuck in your net in life, but the shining bits that you do find make it all worth it.
Here are some gratitude practices you can try at home!
“Spin It” game - Like most political campaigns have publicity “spin teams” that try to make their candidate sound good no matter what they say, we can also practice putting a positive spin on anything! Challenge yourself to think of some negative scenarios, and see how many positive things you can pull out of them.
Gratitude Journal - take some time throughout your day to document the parts of your day that you found pleasant, enjoyable, or tolerable. These can be big moments, such as performing well on a big test, or small moments, like finding a particularly lovely leaf on your way into work. See how many you can write down, and watch how your mind begins open to the positives.
Thank-You Notes - Identify people that have made a positive impact on your life in some small way - your favorite barista, a custodial staff at your office, or a coworker - and take the time to write them a note of appreciation. Allow yourself to notice the small ways that people have helped you along your daily journey… and people respond in beautiful ways when they feel acknowledged and appreciated. It’s a win-win!
Replace “Obligations” With “Opportunity” - I have to thank The Office for this tip. As you approach daily tasks or big life events that are boring, scary, intimidating, or triggering, challenge yourself to use the word “opportunity” when you refer to these things. Ask yourself: What kind of opportunities might be waiting for me within this scary, upsetting, or negative thing? (We tend to overanalyze negative "what-ifs" without giving enough credence to positive (and equally as likely what-ifs).
Written by Caroline Whitaker, MS, NCC
Archive
-
November 2024
- Nov 21, 2024 What are the 12-Steps? Nov 21, 2024
-
October 2024
- Oct 22, 2024 Eating Disorder Awareness on Social Media Oct 22, 2024
- Oct 1, 2024 Managing ADHD in Eating Disorder Recovery Oct 1, 2024
-
September 2024
- Sep 16, 2024 Are eating disorders genetic? Sep 16, 2024
-
August 2024
- Aug 27, 2024 How Eating Disorders Affect the Brain Aug 27, 2024
-
March 2024
- Mar 6, 2024 What is Intuitive Eating? Mar 6, 2024
-
August 2023
- Aug 28, 2023 Quick Facts on Dietitians vs Nutritionists Aug 28, 2023
-
May 2023
- May 4, 2023 Should You Be Pro Probiotics? May 4, 2023
-
February 2023
- Feb 27, 2023 Diet Culture is Clever Than Ever Feb 27, 2023
-
January 2023
- Jan 11, 2023 Winter is Often a Perfect Time to Heal Jan 11, 2023
-
November 2022
- Nov 14, 2022 How to Talk to Someone in Recovery: Advice for Friends and Family Nov 14, 2022
-
September 2022
- Sep 12, 2022 Recovery is for everyone Sep 12, 2022
-
July 2022
- Jul 18, 2022 Grocery Shopping in Eating Disorder Recovery Jul 18, 2022
-
June 2022
- Jun 13, 2022 Is Mental Restriction Causing You to Binge Eat? Jun 13, 2022
-
May 2022
- May 9, 2022 Cognitive Distortions in Eating Disorders May 9, 2022
-
April 2022
- Apr 4, 2022 The Stages of Group Therapy Apr 4, 2022
-
March 2022
- Mar 21, 2022 Celebrating National Nutrition Month Mar 21, 2022
-
January 2022
- Jan 18, 2022 Yoga: An Eating Disorder Recovery Tool Jan 18, 2022
-
November 2021
- Nov 16, 2021 The Reason I'm Grateful for that "Time of the Month" Nov 16, 2021
-
October 2021
- Oct 14, 2021 Plant-Based Diets and Eating Disorders Oct 14, 2021
-
September 2021
- Sep 23, 2021 Harmful Myths from Diet Culture Sep 23, 2021
-
July 2021
- Jul 12, 2021 Body Acceptance Jul 12, 2021
-
June 2021
- Jun 16, 2021 What is Avoidant Restrictive Intake Disorder? Jun 16, 2021
-
May 2021
- May 18, 2021 Perfectionism and Mental Health May 18, 2021
-
April 2021
- Apr 20, 2021 Eating Disorders in Men Apr 20, 2021
-
March 2021
- Mar 15, 2021 Yes, ALL Foods Really Do Fit Mar 15, 2021
-
February 2021
- Feb 15, 2021 What I Didn’t Expect on My Eating Disorder Recovery Journey Feb 15, 2021
-
January 2021
- Jan 11, 2021 Focus on Health, Not Diets This New Year Jan 11, 2021
-
December 2020
- Dec 14, 2020 Keeping Hope Alive Through the Holidays Dec 14, 2020
-
November 2020
- Nov 16, 2020 How to Navigate Holiday Parties in Eating Disorder Recovery Nov 16, 2020
-
October 2020
- Oct 14, 2020 World Mental Health Starts Here Oct 14, 2020
-
September 2020
- Sep 22, 2020 National Recovery Month Sep 22, 2020
-
August 2020
- Aug 24, 2020 Are Athletes More Likely to Have an Eating Disorder? Aug 24, 2020
-
July 2020
- Jul 24, 2020 Parents, is your child just "a picky eater" or is it something else? Jul 24, 2020
-
June 2020
- Jun 11, 2020 How to Practice Gratitude During COVID Jun 11, 2020
-
May 2020
- May 11, 2020 How Disordered Eating Affects Women’s Fertility May 11, 2020
-
April 2020
- Apr 21, 2020 How to Care for Our Bodies During a Pandemic in Eating Disorder Recovery Apr 21, 2020
-
March 2020
- Mar 23, 2020 Meal Planning in Quarantine: Tips from a Dietitian (and a Mom) Mar 23, 2020
-
February 2020
- Feb 18, 2020 Do You Know Someone That May Have an Eating Disorder? Remember to ACT NOW. Feb 18, 2020
-
January 2020
- Jan 24, 2020 January: The Monday of Months Jan 24, 2020
-
December 2019
- Dec 18, 2019 New Year, No Diets Dec 18, 2019
-
November 2019
- Nov 19, 2019 Eat, Drink, & Still Be Merry: Navigating the Holidays with an Eating Disorder Nov 19, 2019
-
October 2019
- Oct 16, 2019 Fear Foods Going Bump in the Night Oct 16, 2019
-
September 2019
- Sep 25, 2019 Don’t Believe Everything You Think Sep 25, 2019
-
August 2019
- Aug 20, 2019 Does my child have an eating disorder? Aug 20, 2019
-
July 2019
- Jul 24, 2019 Therapist Spotlight: Missy Cohen, LCSW Jul 24, 2019
-
June 2019
- Jun 25, 2019 Honoring Both Hunger AND Fullness Jun 25, 2019
-
May 2019
- May 23, 2019 Thoughts from the Dietitian: What Self-Care Is, What It Is Not, & Why You Need to Know the Difference May 23, 2019
-
April 2019
- Apr 30, 2019 April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month Apr 30, 2019
-
March 2019
- Mar 31, 2019 Shining a Spotlight on the Social Work Field Mar 31, 2019
-
February 2019
- Feb 28, 2019 Eating Disorder Awareness Week Feb 28, 2019
-
January 2019
- Jan 31, 2019 The Cure for Resolution Burnout Jan 31, 2019
-
December 2018
- Dec 14, 2018 Don't Hit "Snooze" on Those Winter Blues: Understanding Seasonal Affective Disorder Dec 14, 2018
-
November 2018
- Nov 21, 2018 Gratitude: Just a Trendy Word or a Form of Mental Training? Nov 21, 2018
-
October 2018
- Oct 25, 2018 9 Things To Know About Medication Management for Mental Health Oct 25, 2018
-
August 2018
- Aug 30, 2018 It's Pumpkin Time in Knoxville: Balancing Lattes and Weight Loss Aug 30, 2018
-
July 2018
- Jul 26, 2018 Declaring Independence from Co-Dependence: A How To Guide Jul 26, 2018
-
June 2018
- Jun 29, 2018 EMDR Training for Professionals Jun 29, 2018
-
May 2018
- May 31, 2018 Health from the Inside Out May 31, 2018
-
April 2018
- Apr 23, 2018 "Clean Eating" Can Lead to Orthorexia Apr 23, 2018
- Apr 23, 2018 Mind & Emotions Interview: Emotional Eating Apr 23, 2018